If it weren’t for you, DVD Industry, my children wouldn’t know that they are indeed the most deprived children in the country. They lived in their sweet ignorance for years, but now, the truth is out. It’s all due to those annoying previews we are forced to sit through instead of just being able to pop in a disc and actually watch THE MOVIE. Unless you are watching a Disney DVD with that tricky little FastPlay that if you don’t get to in time then, again, you are thrust into preview purgatory. Is there some little secret my technically challenged mind has not been made aware of? I have punched every stinking button on those ginormous remotes and nothing will happen to get me past the previews - what am I missing? Anyhow, I don’t know why I am even asking, because it’s already too late.
Tonight, after a big old busy Saturday, we decided to Shrek out a little and relax a bit before hittin’ the hay. All was pleasant, happy, delightful. The kids quickly tidied up the room from their endless art projects of the evening, we gathered some blankets and pillows and popped in the DVD. Did we get Shrek? Of course not, it’s a Dreamworks – they don’t even do FastPlay, so we are forced to sit through the previews. Lucky us, we got the extended version preview for Kung Fu Panda. (enter long parenthetical statement: Yeah, it looks like a good movie, and I love Jack Black, but we don’t really go to movies and our trips to the Red Box are far and few between, and I don’t even think I have seen it in the Red Box – is it out yet?) That’s when the trouble began.
Thing 1: “Ella has seen Kung Fu Panda.”
The Boy: (excitedly)“Does her have Kung Fu Panda?”
Thing 2: “Yeah, everybody on my class has seen Kung Fu Panda.”
Thing 1: “Hmmmm, I wonder why we haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda yet.”
Me (to myself): “Crap (Bert hates it when I use that word, but it was just in my head), they have figured it out, the jig is up, they are now completely aware that they are, in fact, the most deprived children in the country.”
Well, it was good while it lasted.
Please don’t call Family Services on me.
And what are they doing at school that they know exactly who in their class has seen exactly which movies?